Passion

Do you have a passion?  I have discovered over the years there are a lot of things I like, things I spend a lot time doing but there are not that many I am truly passionate about.  There are two things that I am passionate about without question: my family and cancer.  Maybe because I was so fond of the first the second only came natural as we have been struck by so many different types, stages and scenarios.  I have lost 3 of my grandparents to some form of cancer and my living grandmother is a survivor.  I have a first cousin only 18 months older than I, who is a survivor!!! This is the short list. My aunt Sharon lost her battle in 1999 and this where I believe the passion began.

My aunt Sharon and Uncle Johnny lived in OKC, I remember when I was little thinking that was so far away and we didn’t get to see those cousins near as often and the girl cousins in town.  So it was extra special when they were here.  I’m not sure if we made more or less trips to Baskin Robbins, or got extra money to walk to Mike’s grocery store to fill the gum drawer but something was different.   We did spend lots of time together in the summer at the lake!  After we were older we began learning her passion for breast cancer patients and their families.  As a nurse and a survivor she had first-hand knowledge of what they were going through.   

At some point Sharon became involved in Race for the Cure sponsored by the Susan G. Komen Foundation.  We walked with her for a few years and then suddenly it became personal.  As a 14 year survivor Sharon was re-diagnosed with breast cancer.  There was a blur of life for several months and then her valiant fight was over.  I remember preparing to walk the first year without her.  Her boys had made t-shirts with her picture all stating who she was to us, Wife, Mother, Sister, Aunt and so on.  We walked, we cried and we knew we were keeping her spirit alive and passing on her passion.

I worked for several years with the local Relay for Life, sponsored by the American Cancer Society, which raises money to support all types of cancer.  I continued to walk in the Race for the Cure with family and friends.  In 2008, Sharon’s oldest son presented us with an idea of participating in Komen’s newest awareness event Komen 3 Day.  As he told me we would walk 60 miles in 3 days I remember thinking he was crazy.   I wasn’t sure I had the motivation or desire to prove that to anyone.  The event came and went.  I was somewhat relieved.  He called again for 2009 and it was GAME ON!!! 

We entered in late June or July and I remember when the virtual trainer started sending emails it was 14 weeks until the event.  In some ways this seemed like forever in others it was going to be here before I knew it.  Because of the fact we had missed the prior year I was crazy enough to convince others to try this thing with us.  So… the first of November 2009 Bryan Wetz and his wife Amy, Sue Branan and I, and two other great girls from Dallas began our journey.

The opening ceremonies were amazing!  It was a celebration of those who had fought so hard and were unable to stand there with us.  The 2 ½ days in between were filled with laughter, tears, little sleep, less flushing toilets and portable showers. It was emotional but not in the way I had expected.  Day three ended with a sense of accomplishment and a celebration for those like Sue who were able to stand there.  It also began a true passion in my life to continue the fight because…Everyone Deserves a Lifetime.

There really was no question if I would do it again.  I didn’t see it as a choice but something I could do and there were so many who could not.  The ultimate goal is for a cure for a disease that has now hit both sides of my family increasing my chances of a diagnosis.  With this determination I still did not register too early though trying to find those willing to go or go again.  Sooo the 5^th of November 2010 we walked again, this year Sue and I walked with my sister in law, Mindy and Sue’s cousin Lisa. 

The anticipation was different this year as well as the emotional outcome.  This year as we walked the 60 miles it hit closer to home.  I crossed the finished with my sister in law who is mother to my niece and for the first time I realized it’s not just my life, I walk for Cate's as well.

Mindy and I registered in January for the November 2011 Komen 3 Day.  Although we are unsure of who will walk with us we walk because we can and for those who can no longer walk so that someday there will be no need to walk!!!! 

Muffins???

I was going to blog about muffin tops this evening, however following my last blog it just didn’t seem appropriate.  So I struggle with what to write, what other change has impacted my life so greatly these last few months.  Not all change in bad, in fact there is a lot of good that comes from change.  People change… and that is where I begin.  There is a poem that talks about the people that come into your life.  How some come for a season, a reason or forever and tonight I want to tell you about just 2 of my forever friends.

I first met my friend Mel when we were in grade school.  We didn’t go to school with each other, didn’t see each other on a regular basis but we both knew of each other.  Through grade school, junior high and high school our paths rarely crossed she only knowing who I was and I who she was.  This knowledge however didn’t leave either of us with a good taste in our mouths.  No particular reason just because I guess and that’s how it works before you know you need forever friends. 

I’m not sure really when my opinion changed about her or how we every started hanging out, but shortly through our first semester in college we were living across the hall from one another and by the end of our freshman year we were inseparable.  From that point on we made memories, some good, some bad, and at times life even got ugly. 

SIL, another forever friend, entered my life around the same time.  She had gone to church with us for as long as I could remember and was a few years younger than I was.  She came into my life due to my brother.  This began as a different kind of friendship because it was not one I had chosen but one that was just there.  It wasn’t until I had graduated from college and was living in Muskogee that we found ourselves building our forever friendship.  She too made memories with me, some good, some bad and at times life got ugly.

When life gets ugly is when you really learn the most about your forever friends.  Will they be there when you need them to stand up for you, can they be a shoulder to cry on when your tears are too much by yourself, can they laugh with you instead of at you, can you sit with you in silence and it be ok, are they always just a phone call away, do they tell you the truth when you don’t want to hear it?  I can answer YES to all of these questions about these forever friends and I hope they can say YES about me as well.

I want you to know I could write novels about these two girls and things we have done together. I want them to know they will forever be a part of my life no matter where we are or what our circumstances.  My life would not be the same without the impact they have had on me in the good, bad and the ugly!

Most importantly, I want you to know, how important these friends are in your life.  Do you have them? If not, seek them, they are out there and will make your life even better.  I am so honored and blessed to have more than just these two forever friends and they too hold a very special place in my life.

Better than......

…. A hallelujah!  Amy Grant has a fairly new song that states to simply and perfectly how our God opens His arms to us:

We pour out our misery

God just hears a melody

Beautiful the mess we are

The honest cries of breaking hearts

Better than a Hallelujah sometimes.

I have new friends that demonstrated this so beautifully recently.  A brief history of my friends, some of which may be out of order or not exact time line as at the beginning of their story I knew only their names.

Imagine yourself being a wife, one step closer to being the mother you have dreamed of since being a little girl.  Imagine becoming pregnant with that first child and being thrilled beyond belief. Now jump forward 9 months to the birth of that sweet baby you have waited so long for and this is where the real story begins…

Miss Kayla was born October 28, 2008 This precious gift of God was perfect on the outside, but on the inside had a battle raging no one knew was coming.  Within a few short hours this precious angel was flown to another hospital separated from both mom and dad.  She graced our world only a few short days.

After the grief this mother and father shared they still proclaimed the name of Jesus and believed He still had a plan for their lives, but knew it did not include Kayla.

On August 12, 2010 a little monkey named Gage was born, to this very deserving mother and father.  He also was whisked away and began a fight that taught me so very much.  I, along with a host of friends, family, and strangers began praying immediately.

I watched this mother and father stand firm again!  I watched them share their lives with Gage, their friends and family, with strangers and with me.  They poured out their heartache, they shared their love and they demanded that NO ONE lose faith.  They know the ultimate healer and knew He could prove to be that.  This was not just words coming from their mouths but true belief and faith like I had never personally seen in a crisis.  All of this Better than a Hallelujah!

When I met Gage, I didn’t realize how much more personally invested I would come in his little life.  I already had been blessed with 2 monkeys of my own and didn’t understand how you could stand there and not question God’s intentions or lack of care for your situation.  It was this amazing FAITH!  Better than a Hallelujah!

You see God did not expect them to praise Him for taking their sweet angel or their little monkey.  But He did expect them to never lose faith.  He did expect them to continually lean on Him in the trenches.  He also, asked that they share His love and comfort with others.  They did so wonderfully and included so many of us!  Better than a Hallelujah!

What does all of this have to do with me?  Well this is another step in life changing.  A place in my life where I realize God is there waiting for us to pour out to Him.  No matter where we are, what we are doing or what might be happening in our lives at the time.  Even with children laughing, crying or screaming in the background.  Our feelings are not a surprise to God but He wants us to express them, the good and the bad.  Although things in our lives may change, God never does.  Nothing is too BIG for God, if you have it…. Just Bring It!!!